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If you are concerned about your son’s pornography use, you are far from alone. For years there has been a gradual rise in sexual compulsions and behaviors among adolescents. The overwhelming ease of access to pornographic content has had a major impact on content viewed by adolescents and adults alike. Many parents find themselves at a standstill when trying to get ahead of this problem with their child in the age of online schooling and the proliferation of social media. In this article we’ll discuss how this issue often starts, what we know, warning signs of porn addiction, and how to get help for your son. 

The Appeal: What Draws My Teen to Porn?

To be conservative, the average age for first exposure to pornography has dropped to nearly 10 years old. We have worked with many families where the age of exposure is much lower than this. Over 50% of adolescents encounter pornography by accident online, whether it be through ads, pop-ups, a game, or a direct message, advertising is aggressive when it comes to displaying inappropriate content. What adolescents see online creates a framework for which they base their understanding of a healthy sexual relationship. These companies spend ample money and time on research to significantly understand what is going to keep adolescents engaged and keep them coming back. Their job is to appeal to your teen.

What We Know

Dependency on pornography is more than just a desire to watch porn. It is vital to understand that pornography use and other sexually compulsive behaviors most often serve a purpose for the adolescent. Porn is often used as a coping skill, an escape, a point of connection among peers, an attempt at intimacy with a partner, self-education, or other issues. If you were to ask your teenage son, “Why are you engaging in this behavior?” He’d probably say that he doesn’t know or answer in shame. The reality is, adolescents (and even adults) don’t always have the language to make sense of toxic shame behaviors. 

It’s also important to consider the natural need for attachment, and the lengths that adolescents will go to fulfill it. As our Capstone founder Dr. Adrian Hickmon says, “The need for attachment powers a lot of sexual intensity, which is often an impostor for sexual intimacy.” If adolescents are not experiencing healthy intimacy in their relationships, they can sometimes result to sexual intensity – thinking it the same or an equivalent substitute. 

Signs of Porn Addiction – How Do We Know When It’s Time to Get Help?

“We know it’s a problem, now what do we do?” By the time parents reach out to us, they have already experienced one or more of the following:

• You’ve had to lock down all of his devices.
• You’re afraid to leave him alone for fear of his online behavior.
• You’re afraid of what you’ll find in his room.
• You’ve tried third party accountability and he still finds a way to access it.
• He doesn’t have the same boundaries everywhere else that he does at your home.
• You’re concerned for his safety because he’s exhibiting dangerous behavior (i.e. meeting strangers in-person that he’s met online).
• He’s getting in trouble at school for his compulsive porn use.
• Someone caught him and reached out to you about your child’s sexually explicit behavior.

If you have experienced one or more of the above listed issues, it may be time to seek professional help for your son. The good news is that there is help out there and that you are not alone. At Capstone Treatment Center, our therapists’ specialties – certified trauma therapist, certified sexual addiction therapist, EMDR, and master’s degrees in counseling – give us the expertise to work in these three interconnecting areas. 

In addition to seeking treatment, we encourage beginning conversations about the dangers of pornography use with your children. While it may be an uncomfortable taboo topic, it is best to create a safe environment to discuss it in your home as opposed to their only source being online content and/or their peers. In some cases they could stumble upon content that is illegal and there can be legal repercussions that can have lasting effects. When treating these behaviors at Capstone, we incorporate parent involvement through family therapy and prioritize meaningful conversation and healthy confrontation to get to the underlying core issues together.

Regardless of whether or not our level of service meets your needs, if you are struggling with compulsive porn use, seek out a clinician who is trained as a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist (CSAT) who offers outpatient services or even custom therapy intensives depending on your situation. Don’t face this journey alone. While there is no substitute for seeing a licensed professional who has experience working with those struggling in this arena, there are more resources than ever. Utilize an in-person support group, research accountability software, find groups that meet consistently in-person or online, or find resources in your church. 

Capstone is more than a porn addiction rehab, but a treatment center focused on helping young men face and overcome a wide range of struggles, compulsions, addictions and other self-destructive behaviors. To learn more about how we help treat residents, complete our Help Form or speak to one of our licensed Admissions Therapists at 866-729-4479.