Blog

As we are approaching the holiday season, we are sure to hear and see the words “Happy Holidays” pretty much everywhere. However, the phrase begs the question, “Are they really happy?” Over time family dynamics can change, hardship happens, tragedy can strike, and life can get a little more complex. With that, the nostalgia that the holidays once brought can seem to be a distant memory. Can the holidays be “happy” again? We’ve considered a few ways to restore joy during the holidays or other difficult seasons of life.

Have Fair Expectations

[1] When it comes to life changes, sometimes we can subconsciously hold other people to a standard of “keeping things how they used to be”. Our humanity loves familiarity and is often resistant to change and “new things”. However, it is not fair to yourself – and ultimately others – to expect for things to be perfect, be like “old times” (if “new things” have happened), or for everyone to feel the same way as you. Practice empathy with others in the same way that you’d like to receive it.

Initiate Proactive Planning

If you know the holidays normally make you sad or bring stress, consider ways that you can proactively plan to make it a little bit better. Whether that includes delegating, sharing the load, starting food prep early, having dinner catered instead of cooking, or even giving e-gift cards instead of going shopping for gifts, prioritize your mental and physical health by planning ahead.

Create New Traditions

Who said you have to do the same thing every year? Just because your family may have certain expectations, doesn’t mean you have to meet them if it doesn’t serve you well. Consider the role you play in your family. Are you the mother figure? Father figure? Black sheep? Peace maker? Golden child? In our work as family therapists, we have found that it’s pretty difficult to get away from the role that we’ve been playing all our lives. Certain roles often come with different expectations. Our advice is that if it’s better for you to resign from the expectations associated with your “role”, please do so. For example, if your family most often relies on you to host or provide entertainment, and this year you do not have the capacity to do so or are simply uninterested, you reserve the right to say so.

Honor Your Emotions

So often, we see people try to suppress emotions that are not favorable to the holiday season with thoughts like, “I’ll tough it out”, “This is supposed to be a happy time”, or “I don’t want to bring everyone down”. What if we told you there was a way to feel what you feel without becoming what you feel? If changes in your life bring some sadness, it’s okay to acknowledge that sadness. In fact, it’s imperative that you do so if you desire to truly move forward and not just avoid it. Whatever emotions you’re feeling as you anticipate the holidays, we encourage talking about them with loved ones. If you desire expert care, consider processing those emotions with a licensed professional.

Celebrate Within Your Means

The idiom, “Keeping Up With the Joneses” references when people attempt to compare themselves to others in an attempt to match status or wealth (Merriam-Webster). The holidays are no exception to this. According to Dr. Petros Levounis, president of the American Psychiatric Association, “Financial concerns are the number one anxiety-provoking issue (for the holidays)”. Alleviate stress by celebrating within your means. Get creative and think outside the box…but inside your budget.

Some of these tips may require that you have to tell a loved one, “No”. That can be a little intimidating if you don’t have a lot of practice with healthy boundaries. Even then, it doesn’t always feel good to tell those you love “no”. Here are a few ways to set a boundary with love.

5 Ways to Say No With Grace

1. Actually, that doesn’t work for me. How about something else?
2. I won’t be able to do that this year, but thank you for considering me.
3. I’m not interested, but I know someone who may be able to help.
4. I’m doing something different this year.
5. No thank you. 🙂

The holidays are a time for reflection and renewal. By understanding your needs, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a holiday season that truly reflects your values and brings you joy. Whether you are looking forward to or dreading the holidays, it is our hope that these tips can help you find contentment this holiday season.

Capstone is a top rated residential treatment center for young men. We focus on helping young men ages 18-28 and teens ages 14-17 who struggle with self-destructive behaviors, mental health struggles, and compulsive behaviors. Get in touch today to learn more about our expert team and our approach to helping young men overcome their hurts.  Learn how we can help you here.