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Is Your Student Athlete the Golden Child?

What is a golden child? According to Dr. Adrian Hickmon, “This child is the one who is excelling in their school achievements and/or their social connections and so on. From a systemic perspective, there is a sort of unconscious effort to balance the ‘Family Boat’ and counterbalance the child who is struggling and causing family stress and conflict. We always tell parents that the Golden Child, or as some say, the Hero Child, is one we worry about just as much as their son at Capstone.” Why do we worry about them? The Golden Child role can also struggle due to their self-imposed, although noble, pressure to be perfect. Many athletes hold the role of golden child in their family. Here’s what we’ve often heard golden athletes share in therapy but not to their parents.

“I’m overwhelmed.”

The combination of school, social life, practices, games, a demanding coach, teammates relying on them, and everything in between can feel overwhelming at times. What may seem normal or bearable to a parent, can be difficult to balance for a young athlete. 

“I don’t know if I want to do this anymore.”

Consider this: If your child wants to take a break or no longer desires to participate in a sport, they may be afraid to tell you, fearing that you will be disappointed in them or that they will let you down. Naturally, children want to please their parents. We understand wanting your child to learn endurance and perseverance in the things they set out for. We encourage that! However, we also encourage having a serious talk with your child if you notice they have lost motivation or are not as interested in continuing to play their sport. Other things that could impact their desire to play include:

• Bullying
• Chronic Pain
• Lack of Fulfillment
• Poor Team Culture (i.e. unhealthy habits among team members, poor rapport with coach, coaching style, etc.)
• Team Schedule is Too Demanding
• An Increase in Another Interest (i.e. band/musicianship, academic clubs, JROTC, volunteer work, another sport etc.)

“What is Performance-Based Acceptance?”

Performance-based acceptance as it relates to your student-athlete, is when your child feels that your (or others) acceptance or approval of them is tied to how well they perform. Many parents may have experienced this from their own parents growing up. What is most often intended to be a way to firmly encourage excellence can come across as placing more value on the performance than the individual. As a remedy, be mindful to regularly let your child know how much you value them apart from their accomplishments.

Remember, your child’s worth extends far beyond their athletic achievements. By fostering an environment of unconditional love and support, you can help them develop a healthy sense of self and a lifelong passion for sports. Let’s strive to create a culture where athletes feel valued for who they are, not just what they do.
Capstone is a top rated residential treatment center for young men. We focus on helping young men ages 18-26 and teens ages 14-17 who struggle with self-destructive behaviors, mental health struggles, and compulsive behaviors. Get in touch today to learn more about our expert team and our approach to helping young men overcome their hurts.  Learn how we can help you here.