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“Am I doing this wrong?” A question commonly asked during our Family Week intensives. It is not uncommon that parents navigating struggles in parenthood want to know, “Are we the only ones going through this?” So often, shame can keep our heads down and have us believing that we are alone in parenting challenges. We’re here to tell you, you’re not as alone as you may feel. While everyone’s situation may be unique, there are often shared concerns among worried parents.

Will my son make it?

When your child’s harmful behaviors cause you to be concerned for their life and well-being, you are not alone. Many parents have voiced fear of their son’s behavior “getting out of hand” and causing them to be fearful of what will happen next if they don’t change. 

Where did I go wrong?

Many parents begin to wonder what they could or should have done differently, or they do some form of self-evaluation to consider their contribution to the problem. While self-evaluation is encouraged and a healthy practice, sometimes that evaluation can turn into hyper-criticism of yourself – which is unproductive. Be mindful of what you have the power to change now, starting with patterns. Remember that while we cannot change the past, we have a right to change our patterns moving forward.

My spouse and I are not on the same page.

You think it’s time to consider a higher level of care, but your spouse/co-parent thinks you’re overreacting. Or vice versa. It may also be that you two have been arguing more about decisions concerning your child than ever before. What now? How do you two get back to having a united front? If you feel you’ve come to a standstill, it may be time to consider working with a trained professional to help you sort through this, as your son will benefit most from you two being on one accord. There is help.

Is this even fixable?

There are times when the situation seems beyond repair. From experience we can tell you that most often, it IS fixable. We work with families to understand that repair looks like uncomfortable change, challenges, and growth…not perfection.

Will sending my son to treatment damage my relationship with him?

There are not many teenage or young adult men who gladly volunteer to go to treatment, so it’s not uncommon that they are initially deeply opposed to the idea. While most parents would like for their children to maturely and kindly verbalize their reservations, it doesn’t always go that way. When children feel challenged or that their back is against the wall, they can sometimes lash out, say really cruel things, and even threaten to stay angry with you forever. While our mind often knows that they’re just angry, that doesn’t mean that their words don’t sometimes pierce our hearts. We’ve witnessed this often result in parents second-guessing going through with sending their son to treatment – which is an emotional decision that may prolong the process of help and healing.

We realize the decision to send your son to treatment is a big deal and not a decision to be made flippantly. We understand the reservations that parents have before, during, and after making such a decision. We can say with confidence that there is hope and that the decision to pursue professional help is worth it. From young men who have been fairly agreeable to others who came to treatment with great resistance and anger, we have witnessed lives changed and families healed time and time again.

We hope you are a little more at ease and feel a little less alone in your parenting journey. It is our goal to resource you and your family with options for the next steps.