With years of experience in family therapy, I’ve become quite familiar with parents’ concerns with a child in treatment. “How do I know they’re safe? How long will they stay mad about our decision to pursue treatment? Have I made the right decision? Will treatment work this time?” These are all valid concerns.
I like to offer parents an invitation to validate and explore their concerns on a deeper level, by assigning journal prompts to help ease their mind. Consider this a tool to productively occupy your time when thinking of your child in treatment, as well as something to utilize with your personal and/or family therapist.
- Daily Emotions: Write down your feelings each day regarding your child’s treatment. How do you feel when you think about their progress? What emotions are most prevalent, and how are they changing over time? Look for patterns in your emotions.
- Expectations: What are your expectations for your child’s recovery and treatment? Are they realistic? How do these expectations affect your emotions and actions?
- Self-Care: Describe the self-care practices you’re engaging in during this challenging time. Are you prioritizing your own well-being? If not, what can you do to improve self-care? It is unfair to require self-care of your child if you’re unwilling to do the same. I recognize that this may be easier said than done, but I can personally attest to the difference it makes in children’s lives when they see their parent(s) pursuing healthy living alongside them.
- Communication: Reflect on your communication with your child in treatment. How has it evolved? Are there ways you could improve your communication and support? In my experience, it is very easy to focus 100% on the person “in treatment”, but it’s most effective when we are open to considering our own contribution to the family system.
- Fears and Worries: Write about your fears and worries related to your child’s treatment. Are there specific concerns that are dominating your thoughts? How can you address or alleviate these fears? Obviously, it is unfair to ask a parent “not to worry” about their child. However, parents I’ve worked with have testified of how writing out and addressing their fears has helped them to feel relief and rest better.
- Personal Growth: In what ways have you grown or changed as a result of your child’s journey in treatment? What have you learned about yourself during this process?
- Support System: Describe the support system you have in place, whether it’s friends, family, or support groups. How have these connections helped you cope with the challenges you’re facing?
- Parenting Reflection: Reflect on your own parenting style and any changes you’ve made or are considering making as a result of your child’s treatment. What aspects of your parenting would you like to improve? In my work with parents of teenagers and young adults in treatment, I must say that this one has proven to be more challenging than the others. It doesn’t always feel good to be asked to consider areas of improvement in your parenting, but I’d like to offer another perspective. When you find feelings of defensiveness or guilt coming up, respond in a way that you’d like for your child to when they feel those emotions. Most likely, you’d like for them to do some self-reflection and consider this prompt as an invitation instead of an interrogation. I encourage you to do the same. (Note: Defensiveness and guilt are often a sign that there is something underlying i.e. shame, poor self-image, toxic shame messages, etc.)
- Gratitude: Write down things you’re grateful for each day, even in the midst of challenges. Expressing gratitude can help shift your focus toward the positive aspects of life. “How can I be grateful when my family is in crisis?”, parents have asked. I know it can seem hard to find things to be grateful for when it feels like hope is out of reach. While it is tempting to be consumed by all that is “wrong”, research shows that consciously practicing gratitude has the ability to reduce stress and anxiety. I am not suggesting to deny your present challenges, but I am encouraging you to intentionally seek small things to be grateful for – even in struggle.
- Future Plans: What are your hopes and plans for the future, both for yourself and for your child? How do you envision life once your child has completed treatment? This will be helpful to discuss in your family therapy sessions.
- Coping Strategies: Document the coping strategies you’ve found most helpful during this time. Are there new techniques or approaches you’d like to try?
- Boundaries: Explore the boundaries you’ve set with your child during their treatment. Are these boundaries healthy and effective? How can you maintain them while showing support?
Many of the parents I’ve worked with have found that these journal prompts often led to helpful conversation with their child and their support system (co-parent, extended family, therapists, etc.). Even if journaling is not something you typically do, I encourage you to explore how these prompts can benefit you and your family.
Brianna Rodgers, LMFT
Capstone provides 35-40 hours during Family Week, including 15 hours of multi-family group and 20-25 hours of individual family therapy with their personal therapist. Our team also provides 1-hour check-in call per week for 12 weeks after graduation with their personal therapist (no charge for the aftercare calls). Even after the 12 weeks is over, our therapists and team remain available to our alumni. Learn more about what we treat and our program to help our residents face and overcome their struggles.